Getting out of the way

altar.jpg

Before I had a child, I spent many hours thinking about how to write. Where would be the best place to write. And when. I even messed about with an overly long, fraught manuscript loosely based on my own life.

In this time I also did lots of creativity-enhancing exercises, which I’ll share with you in a later post.

When my son was born, I panicked. My writing career was clearly over before it had started. When he was three, and started attending a local play school, I ran home to write. I sat in the mess (toys, unwashed laundry, dust) and opened my laptop.

I realised all you have to do is open the document. Open it when you have no idea what you are going to do. Start writing when you have no idea what will happen in the scene (or, very little).

Writing a single sentence made me feel calmer. Writing a page was a meditation. Writing a book was paradise. You can read about that particular process here!

Nowadays, before I write, I plug in. I hand it over. The deal is, I show up (and open the document) and the universe does the rest.

I am the hollow reed, an instrument for the story to come through as it wants to, but I am not The Author. At most, I am a co-creator.

The picture above is of a little dedication space I hold next to my desk – its objects represent my fears, wishes and difficulties. Here they are transformed in a process of surrender, and returned to me all sorted out.

If you really want to know how to write a book, that’s it.

It’s easy. The difficult part is only ever in our own heads. Give it up.

I create my own reality

I committed to becoming a full-time writer in 2015. My first novel was published a year later. But what preceded this was years of dancing with The Fear. I’ll be writing about how to overcome it in this blog.

At the point when I committed, I had to choose a name. I didn’t want to write under my own name because I wanted to cut the constraints of the ego.

I chose Eden Walker to remind myself that writing is a pleasure. When I write, I am walking in paradise – and I trust my readers feel it when they join me there.

Aziza means Beloved. In my Ankara Press books, you’ll find that the heroine’s name always has a special meaning, pertinent to her life and journey. My nickname Aziza reminds me that I am a beloved child of the universe – as we all are.

Here is a photo of something I put up on the wall near my desk in 2015. May it inspire you to persevere, because the thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen (Frank Lloyd Wright).

Goethe_2.jpg